: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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