It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
