I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
