So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize