just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize