My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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