if i can run in heels then i can drive
I will die if light touches me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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