Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
