also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
