a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
