The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
