i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
