it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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