she was so not down for the gang bang
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
