Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
