maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm at about main and main street
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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