good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
