It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
be right there i have to get my cape
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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