so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize