It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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