Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
