she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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