I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
