im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
