Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just had sex on a roof
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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