I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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