drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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