you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
