I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
