I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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