mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
