I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
