Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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