He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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