I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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