i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
