I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize