It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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