Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just found puke in my bra..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
