Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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