tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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