I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize