It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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