I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
