didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
