I faked an abortion last night.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
