I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
