they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
