I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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