after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
