Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize