I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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