On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
