my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
we should paint friendship bongs
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
