I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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