Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Send help, water and tortillas.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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