I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
