when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
