dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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