I need to stop coming to work sober
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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