yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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