thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
