You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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