You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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