You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
