I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
