i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
