I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
