1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
