is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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