there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
