while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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