Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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