At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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