you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
