he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am available for nakedness
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
