He kissed a someone with a penis
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize