That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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