This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
babies were throwing up all over the place
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
