I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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