That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
