somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
