You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I need a burrito and a hug.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize