Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
