Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
